Chronic illness is...

Chronic illness is loneliness.

Chronic illness is isolating.

Chronic illness is second guessing yourself and your symptoms every single day.

Chronic illness is being gaslit by doctors.

Chronic illness is not being invited to things because ‘we didn’t think you’d be able to come’.

Chronic illness is pretending to be well.

Chronic illness is a full time job.

Chronic illness is not trusting the people that are supposed to help you because they have let you down and dismissed you year after year after year.

Chronic illness is not trusting yourself.

Chronic illness is feeling betrayed by your body and waking up each day wondering if today is the day it will finally give up on you.

Chronic illness is being able to do something today but not tomorrow.

Chronic illness is smiling whenever someone says ‘get well soon’.

Chronic illness is thinking ‘thanks, I won’t’.

Chronic illness is spending the majority of your 20’s in bed.

Chronic illness is constantly analysing - Am I ill? Is this a flare up? A new symptom? Or just my new normal?

Chronic illness is like a never-ending living wake for yourself.

Chronic illness is losing friends.

Chronic illness is medication.

Chronic illness is trying new medication because the other one didn’t work.

Chronic illness is adding a different medication to combat the side effects of another medication that sort of helps, but not really.

Chronic illness is existing in the unknown.

Chronic illness is people telling you they’re jealous because you get to stay home all day and watch Netflix.

Chronic illness is wanting to work but not being able to.

Chronic illness is using all your energy to fight for support and help from a system that demonises and dehumanises you.

Chronic illness is constantly having to explain and prove yourself.

Chronic illness is waking up in the night soaked in your own sweat.

Chronic illness is not sleeping at all.

Chronic illness is not even escaping ableism in your dreams.

Chronic illness is doomscrolling trying to fill the void and distract yourself.

Chronic illness is missing out on sunny days because you can’t tolerate the heat.

Chronic illness is doing something even though you know it will flare you up because you want to remember what it feels like to live.

Chronic illness is living in a permanently medicalised body.

Chronic illness is being poked and prodded by specialists.

Chronic illness is having to budget your energy.

Chronic illness is being told your bloods came back normal.

Chronic illness is constant pain.

Chronic illness is grieving the life you should have had.

Chronic illness is being bombarded by unsolicited advice.

Chronic illness is being asked if you’ve tried yoga.

Chronic illness is biting your tongue when someone asks if you’ve tried yoga.

Chronic illness is feeling guilty because you can’t walk your dog.

Chronic illness is feeling like a fake when you can walk your dog.

Chronic illness is dropping out of uni.

Chronic illness is not getting a diagnosis for 10 years, if ever.

Chronic illness is receiving sympathy looks when you use a walking stick.

Chronic illness is is people asking invasive questions.

Chronic illness is being told you’re too young to be ill.

Chronic illness is impossible.

Chronic illness is fucking exhausting.

---