Meltdowns 101
A guide for loved ones to support you through meltdowns
Meltdowns 101
What is a meltdown?
A meltdown is an intense response an autistic person may have to a distressing situation. It happens when someone becomes completely overwhelmed by their current situation and overloaded with sensory input. The autistic person temporarily loses control of their behaviour, however, it is important to remember a meltdown is not a tantrum and cannot be helped. This extreme reaction to something upsetting causes a fight, flight or freeze response which is why they are difficult to regulate. They can last from minutes to hours dependent on the person.
CAVEAT: In this post I will share the possible triggers for an autistic meltdown, what it may look like, the do’s and don’ts during a meltdown and aftercare advice. Please note, this is all based on my experience as an autistic person but that doesn’t mean all of this will be true for every autistic person as we are not homogeneous.
If you are an autistic person reading this wanting to pass it onto your loved one, please feel free to make changes/additions where necessary so it best reflects your specific needs. If you are reading this as the loved one of an autistic person, be sure to ask them what may need adding or changing as we are all different.
Possible triggers (things that may cause a meltdown):
Environment is too noisy.
There are too many demands or ‘perceived demands’ (being asked lots of questions or having to make decisions).
Feeling unwell/in pain.
Being misunderstood/not listened to.
Feeling tired/fatigued.
Feeling physically uncomfortable (itchy labels, unpleasant food textures, too hot/cold etc.)
Being stuck in a busy environment.
Masking for an extended period of time.
A sudden change in plans.
Overlap of sensory input (too noisy, too bright, strong smells, uncomfortable in clothes all at once).
Too much socialising.
Being hungry/thirsty.
Sensory overload (little things building up through the day).
It is important to note that even if we know most of our triggers, sometimes we may not be consciously aware we are being exposed to them. For example, we may not realise we are too hot, tired and hungry due to poor interoception (internal cues from the body) and therefore may be unaware we are in a more vulnerable position to experience a meltdown.
What a meltdown (usually) looks like for me:
Crying - usually uncontrollable.
Repeating a sentence/intrusive thought.
Angry/easily agitated due to overstimulation and emotional dysregulation.
Self injuring behaviours such as hitting my legs, chest, arms etc.Â
Rocking, sitting/lying on the floor, pacing about.
Unable to communicate properly - sometimes called a verbal shutdown or selective mutism.
Hyperventilating and panicky - can look like a panic attack.
Fun fact: for years I thought I had really bad panic attacks but turns out they were autistic meltdowns.
During a meltdown DO:
Remove us from the environment if possible (if it’s noisy, busy, bright etc).
Offer us headphones (we may or may not accept).
Keep us safe (eg. place your hand between our body and whatever we may be hitting - floor/chest for example).Â
Reassure us (it’s ok, you’re safe etc - not constantly though as extra sensory input can add to the overstimulation at this point).
Ensure water is available (we may or may not want it but it’s good to have on hand).
Try deep breathing with us (get us to follow your breath in and out but not immediately).Â
Provide a soft toy or fidget toy if available.
Remain calm and quiet.
Sit with us at a safe distance.
During a meltdown DO NOT:
Ask lots of questions.
Touch us (except to keep us safe).
Restrain us.
Crowd us (no stroking hair or hugging etc.)
Let others (including dogs) near us.
Panic, rush around, make a big fuss (this will make us worse).
Force us to move by leading/pulling us.
Go on your phone.
Let other people try to approach us or talk to us (get them to leave if possible).
Tell us to stop it/calm down.
Sit and stare at us looking worried.
Meltdowns will present differently for each autistic person and may look like what I described above OR completely different. This is why it is important to speak to your loved one and learn how they experience an autistic meltdown and what their triggers are.
In this post I also shared the do’s and don’ts for how I need support during my meltdowns. But again, please remember this may be different for your loved one so ASK THEM what they need (not during the meltdown though…obviously) rather than assuming.
Aftercare: what to do post meltdown.
Meltdowns are truly exhausting for many autistic people and can be physically and emotionally draining. For me, although my meltdowns last around 30 minutes, they drain me afterwards and it often takes days to recover.
You can think of this like when you feel hungover after a heavy night of drinking. Although you are no longer drunk you still feel extremely fragile, sometimes for a couple of days.
Be patient and gentle with your loved one post meltdown.
Here are some things to consider when it comes to aftercare:
Reduce demands where possible - demands aren’t just things like telling us to do something but can also be ‘perceived demands’ such as asking questions (even a simple choice question - do you want a drink? - may be perceived as a demand).
Maintain a ‘low-arousal’ sensory environment - opt for low lighting instead of bright overhead lights, avoid loud noises where possible/offer noise cancelling headphones, avoid smelly candles/sprays, offer ‘safe foods’. We may want to stay in sensory friendly clothes as even showering or changing at this point can be overstimulating due to our current heightened state.
Offer support with basic needs - we may need extra support with things like cooking, reminders to eat/drink/use the bathroom.
Don’t rush us - every autistic person is different. Some may recover from a meltdown ‘quicker’ and some may take ‘longer. Neither is right or wrong/better or worse. Avoid rushing us to ‘get back to normal’ after a meltdown. It takes as long as it takes and your gentle patience will help us get there and feel safe.
Special Interests - encourage us to engage in our special interest as this can help regulate our nervous system by focusing on something we love.
Sensory basket - I have a little basket with all the things I need to be comfortable when I am overstimulated; I have easy access to this basket post meltdown to reduce mental overload. In my basket I have: lip balm, tissues, fidget toys, nail file, Loop ear plugs, pain killers and my inhaler. I also ensure I have a water bottle, soft toy and weighted blanket nearby.
Don’t take it personally - we may be less responsive or appear to ‘shut you out’ after a meltdown. This is not personal, please don’t get annoyed with us. We are using all our energy to regulate ourselves in an attempt to get back to our baseline.
As an autistic person, would you add anything else to this aftercare list?
Thank you for reading and I really hope this can help guide your loved ones to support you during meltdowns. As always, if you enjoyed this post please share Georgia Writes with a friend or to your social media.
Until next time…
Georgia x