Unwritten Rules in a Neurotypical World

Inside My Mind: Journal Entry

Photo by Siora Photography on Unsplash

I have come to realise that shame is so deeply ingrained into my neurodivergent brain as a result of living in a neurotypical society, that I berate myself for the tiniest things without even noticing.

As I write this it is one o’clock on a Tuesday afternoon and I am still in my pyjamas.

I am emptying the dishwasher and reloading it after having some lunch (yay me for remembering to eat!) Before this I did an hour and a half study session with my Uni tutor for my English Literature degree. 

Yet my brain chose to focus on the fact I am still not dressed.

My brain has zoomed in on how I should be dressed by now because it is the afternoon. It’s possessed by the notion that I need to get dressed everyday - before noon! - like a normal person, because that is what ‘normal people’ do. 

But when I think about this further with my analytical (autistic) brain…Why? 

Why do I have to get dressed? Who said so? Why are the things I’ve done today somehow less simply because I did them in my PJs?

Why did I feel embarrassed when I answered the door to a parcel being delivered in my dressing gown? Why am I worried that the people walking past my window will see me ono the sofa with my laptop and judge me? Why does any of this matter?

Why do I feel ashamed??

Since realising I am autistic and ADHD I have noticed there are so many unwritten rules that dictate our position or status within our neurotypical society. And whether we adhere to these rules or not depends on if we are seen as successful. Our ability and desire to follow these made up rules determine whether we are contributing to society (read: capitalism) and if we are a valued member of our community (read: little worker ant).